If its love, we decided on forever, no one else could do it better

Sooooo. I haven't slept more than 2 hours a night (broken sleep mind you) since Friday night. Yesterday I took Olivier to CHEO and little mister has a pretty bad ear infection in his left ear and its getting bad in his right. So we're back on antibiotics. Again. Although this time he has no care for the banana flavor. Joys. We had a short wait again, which is so refreshing. Except this time we had to stay for an extra hour after the diagnosis because his fever was so high and his heart rate was in the 200's. Like my friend Sheena says, when Ollie gets sick, he really gets sick. The antibiotics haven't started kicking in yet though so he's still sir cranks a lot.

That's really all I want to talk about today. I wont bother to tell you my back hurts. It does. Even with a constant heating pad on it. Ugh.

I am in misery, there ain't nobody who can comfort me, why wont you answer me, the silence is slowly killing me

I guess the title says is it all. Just add in the words frustration, agony, desperation and any other negative adjective you would like. It seems like things just like getting worse before they ever get close to getting better. Like the saying goes, when it rains, it pours. Where do I even start?

So I guess I will start with my back. I don't remember if I mentioned it before, but I've been seeing a chiropractor since July (Dr. Carrie Johnston at Re:Form Body Clinic ) I was referred by my friend Rahim who is a chiropractor in Toronto, he and Carrie went to school together. At my first appointment she gave me a req for x-rays. It took me two weeks to go and then after that Carrie went away for 2 weeks and then all kinds of things were going on and I never got a chance to go back. Until this week. I got my results on Monday. To be honest, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, but they aren't good. By a long shot. I have 4 things wrong with my back. 2 I found out from my appointments with Carrie, which are the least serious. The first is from when I was pregnant. The ligaments in my back stretched, just like everything does when you're preggo, and they haven't gone back to normal, and at this stage, 14 months later, if they haven't they probably wont. Because they are so loose the bones move and thats what causes the pain. After that there are little joints in your vertebrae and when I move in certain positions these joints pinch the coating on a nerve. After that there are two structural problems which showed up on my x-rays. The first is I have degenerative disc disease. Not fun. The disc in my L5-S1 is thinning. Chances are it will get much worse. After that I have an over exaggerated curve in my back which is causing a flattening in my vertebrae. The curve is kind of like the opposite of scoliosis (which my youngest brother Marc-Andre has). Instead of the curve going to the side, it goes inwards (towards my stomach if that makes much sense). At this point, its not bad enough to need surgery, but chances are in the future I will. Which means it will get worse. There isn't much that I can do. I have physio exercises to do, and I have to change my job to a sit down one otherwise I could end up in a wheel chair. Yea.

Speaking of job. We have a new chef at work, Roberto Mochi. He's Italian. He's a jerk. The first time I was there, I showed up for my shift at supper and he looked a Jocelyn and asked if I was going to be by myself and if that was wise. As if I needed a baby sitter. Yea. I did 2 years in cooking school, Jocelyn didn't even finish high school. Anyways. This week he called me into his office to speak. Everyone knew my x-ray results and someone mentioned it to Roberto. One of the first things he said to me when I went into his office was that he didn't believe my doctor gave me good advice on what to do concerning my future and my health. He said if I lost weight, my back would be just fine. Well that meeting went downhill from there and at one point I was pretty much ready to quit right then and there. I made a complaint with the director, Roberto said he said none of this (including other complaints which I had) and Marc (the director) suggested it was just a misunderstanding. When someone says, and I quote pretty much word for word, If you lose weight, your back problems will get better. I walk 30 minutes a day and my heart problems got better because of it. It's kinda hard to misunderstand that. Just sayin. And then Roberto had the audacity to say, I will forget to you wrote this letter, as if I was lying. Lovely. Make me hate you even more why don't you? My schedule has changed as well because of this. I got stuck with all the crap shifts. I will never get to see Jonathan. And no one is calling for jobs. And I can't go to school to get the experience I need because I don't have the money because I don't have a different job and I need the school to get a different job. See the vicious circle here? It's possible I mentioned this already. I'm just bitter and upset about this whole thing. I'm dreading work now. I get anxiety attacks and depression whenever I think about it. Like right now. It's putting me in a lovely mental state I tell ya.

What else this week? Well. Last night I went to bed pretty early, before 9, because I wasn't feeling well. I woke up at 10.30 with Ollie crying. And crying. Nothing Jonathan or I did helped. Finally he fell back asleep. Only to wake up 30 minutes later, crying again, even harder. It went on like this all night long. I think Jonathan and I got 3 hours of broken sleep all night. At one point I was so desperate I took Ollie out for a drive, at 1 am, to get him to fall asleep. He did, 3 times. And woke up crying, 3 times. At 7 he got up for the day. And cried and whined and fussed. He took a 3 hour nap with Jonathan this morning while I laid on the couch watching The Killers (really funny, I recommend it) with my 3rd cup of coffee. All day he was cranky, until some point this afternoon when he was only semi cranky. He has a bit of a cold but nothing worse than he's had in the past (he's had worse actually) and he had a fever again (by now we are fever experts). So far tonight he's doing good, but we haven't reached 10.30 yet so I'm not holding my breath. He will be staying home with me tomorrow though. And I will be keeping the car just in case. One of my bff's Dylan says I worry too much, but I can't help it.    

So I'm going to end this with a little positive. Yesterday we went to Bayshore to get Ollie his clothes for fall at the Childrens Place and Old Navy. I have to say, my kid has the most stylin clothes ever. I would kill to have as good of a wardrobe has he does. Here are a few pics I took yesterday (before the sickness turned him into the devil child) when we went to go rent the movie!

When you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while

Ok so I've been pretty bad this summer about keeping this thing updated but it seems like we are always busy or I just haven't felt like updating. I've been in those kinds of moods lately.

I've been looking for a new job. Applying like crazy because I need to make more money and hours. I'm trying in entry level positions in offices and the government but everyone wants me to have at least some classes in business, but I dont have the money to pay for them and to get that money I need a better job. It's a vicious circle really. I even looked at a part time loan for school but the province of Quebec doesn't offer the part time loan to any out of province schools and none in Quebec offer distance education in English. It sucks bad because although I would like to go back to school full time to be able to get the degree faster, I can't because student loans and working wouldn't give me enough money. It sucks hard. But I need a new job because last week at work I had a mini breakdown, that was not a fun day.

Yesterday I had off because I  worked all weekend and Chantal and I took the kids to the beach because we are going through a heat wave again. It was the first time Olivier went into the lake. At first he wasn't too sure and then a minute later he was sitting in my lap splashing around. He loved it.

This weekend we are going to visit Jonathan's mom in Quebec, it will be nice to get away, and its supposed to be nice and cool and we're going to go apple picking and then there are a few little events going on in the city so we may check out a few.

And so I am going to end this post with some pictures!

'Cause it goes on and on and on

So its been a busy few weeks here in our house (or condo, you get my drift) so I haven't had time to update really. First I would just like to say that the month of July was not kind to my poor little booter. First of the month he got his ear infection. On his birthday he got an eye infection. And on his baptism week he got sick again. Wednesday last week I got a call at work from Ollie's daycare, he had a fever, they wanted to make sure it was okay to give him tylenol. When I went to get him after I was done she told me he had diarrhea as well. I thought he was teething. That day he pooped 3 more times and his fever creeped higher. Thursday I stayed home with him. He got worse throughout the day. Friday we went to the doctors. She thought it was just a case of the stomach flu but said if he wasn't feeling better by the next day to take him to the hospital to get checked out because it could be something else. Normally the stomach flu doesn't last that long or have such a high temperature. Next day I was stalling on the hospital. I hate going to the hospital. But I had just taken Ollie's temperature and he pooped pure water onto his change table. Off to the hospital I went, Jonathan stayed home, he was now getting the flu. Lovely. I decided CHEO (Children's Hospital of Eastern Ontario) was the best bet. I got there and over all we waited less than 2 hours and were out the door. With a diagnosis of stomach flu. They said if he wasn't better Monday to bring him back. He had his fever longer than expected and higher than expected. Not long after we got home Ollie was feeling better. He was playing and having fun and his fever was GONE. So that evening I went to my Aunt Lises house since my dad was there with my stepmom, sister, grandma, and his other sister and a couple of my cousins were going as well. It was going to be the first time all 3 great grandchildren were going to be together. He was fine for almost 3 hours when I noticed Olivier getting warm. I left right away hoping to head off the fever. No such luck. We got the highest temperature to date. Lovely. Next morning he was still warm but not bad. As the morning went on, it went away. I decided to take Ollie out for some fresh air and we went for a walk at Lac Leamy, to watch the finals for the water ski jumping in the Jeux du Quebec. We were there a little over an hour and headed back home. As soon as we got home he started getting warm again. Lovely. That night we thought Ollie's fever had FINALLY broken. At 4.30 I woke up to change a diaper and he wasn't warm, at all. 5 he woke up crying, with a high fever again. WTF. So we gave him some tylenol, a bottle and I procrastinated on the hospital again. Finally I decided to get it over with and back to CHEO we went. Less than an hour later we were out the door again, this time with the diagnosis of Hand, Foot and Mouth. No daycare while a fever is present. Lovely. And this time I actually mean it. I stayed home from work Wed and today with Ollie (and during the day Monday and Tuesday but I worked the evening shift). He was a total crankpot today but I would so rather deal with that than go  back to work tomorrow. But I know his babysitter misses him. She has called me twice asking how he is and whenever I call to tell her he wont be there that she says she misses him and is sad not to see him. I now officially love his babysitter to death.

Other than that not much else except family family and more family! I'll try and post some pics and a better update tomorrow after work.

I need another story...Tell me what you want to hear...

So first off let me just say that my baby is no longer a baby, but a full blown toddler. He's walking, semi talking and just had his first birthday. This year really did fly by. When I was pregnant the time seemed so long and then just went to warp speed when Ollie was born. Insane.

We had his first (of two) birthday parties on Saturday with my mom, grandma, Marc-Andre, Amelie, Chantal, Tony and Tristan and Kylie. We had cake and snacks and had lots of fun, not doing much, just sitting around talking and playing with the kids and it went by quickly.

This weekend coming up is Ollie's baptism, and everyone is going to be there from all sides of the family, mine and Jonathans. So it will be a long but fun weekend I think. The first time everyone will be together. Can we say stress?

Ok now that all that is out of the way. Ugh. I am seriously over my job and work. I need a change. And soon. Otherwise I may go insane. I love the people I work with and the residents but if I stay there much longer I will end up in the loony bin I think. And I like my sanity (or whatever sanity I may have lol). I need a regular job, a 9-5, Monday to Friday type deal. With vacation time I can actually take without being made to feel bad, and sick days and holidays off. Oh and a lunch time where I can actually sit and eat hot food rather than eating standing up while I work. It's totally depressing. And then I have sick days but if I call in sick, someone is stuck working a 12 hour shift so I technically can't call in sick and if I take vacation time its the same thing. I need a change. A shake up. And a new hair color. Maybe that will help for the short term.

Olivier has his 1 year appointment tomorrow. I had my xrays for my back today and a chiro appointment tomorrow. We'll see what happens at both.

When I get older, I will be stronger

You're hot like the summer heat.

So. Hot. OMG. Gatineau/Ottawa has been breaking records all week with this heat. It's unbearable. Beyond unbearable. We were hitting 44 with humidity easily. In the kitchen it was worse. Much worse. On Tuesday evening for the dinner shift I got a 61 on the temp in the kitchen. I wanted to die. It actually felt like I was in Hell, literally. Actually, scratch that, I'm sure Hell wasn't that hot, Hell probably felt the Arctic compared to here.

I had my chiro appointment yesterday. I came away from that appointment with several things.

1. Chiropractors should be employed by the US to interrogate terror suspects. That was painful! I have an 8-10 inch bruise on my lower back from a 10 minute treatment yesterday! I was almost crying, if it had been my friend Rahim doing the treatment I'm sure I would have cried and then kicked him in the shins lol.
2. I have 2 problems so far. One with a tiny joint at the bottom of my lumbar, when I move in certain ways it either is pinching a nerve, disc or cartilage. The other is with my hip. I didn't quite understand that one, but usually the two things go hand in hand
3. I have to get xrays to make sure there is nothing major wrong.
4. I need to go back for at least 6 more visits and an adjustment (if my xrays are clear) which means lotsa $$$

 I got dropped off downtown kind of early for my appointment but I knew if I took Jonathan and the baby home I wouldn't have made it home on time with all the construction going on around the city. So I got some Starbucks (blended light caramel frappuccino) and wandered around Chapters for little before heading off to the Aulde Dubliner to see Jenn for a few minutes. We chatted a little and then I headed off for my appointment. It was hot so I didn't want to walk too fast so I wandered through the market and wound up at one of the stages for the BluesFest and the Stereos were doing their sound check for their show that night, and its free so I got to hear a few songs. I love a few of their songs, and got to hear one (Summer Girl) so that was fun.

Olivier is full blown walking on his own now! I missed it too, I was at work, Jonathan texted me on Tuesday night to tell me. I haven't gotten video of it, he gets excited when he sees the camera so he falls over. And he's teething, yet again, we think its molars this time, or Jonathan does anyways.

On Wednesday night Chantal and I went and saw Eclipse! It was so so so good. Way better than the first by far and better than New Moon as well. It followed the book although there were a few very minor parts I wish that they hadn't cut but nothing major, I know that sometimes things just don't fit or theres not enough time. I am going to see it again though, on Sunday with my Aunt Debbie and with my mother. We are going to see it in IMAX which I cannot wait for. After having seen it I know that its going to be amazing in IMAX, plus a 6 story high Edward? Who wouldn't love that, right?