I am in misery, there ain't nobody who can comfort me, why wont you answer me, the silence is slowly killing me

I guess the title says is it all. Just add in the words frustration, agony, desperation and any other negative adjective you would like. It seems like things just like getting worse before they ever get close to getting better. Like the saying goes, when it rains, it pours. Where do I even start?

So I guess I will start with my back. I don't remember if I mentioned it before, but I've been seeing a chiropractor since July (Dr. Carrie Johnston at Re:Form Body Clinic ) I was referred by my friend Rahim who is a chiropractor in Toronto, he and Carrie went to school together. At my first appointment she gave me a req for x-rays. It took me two weeks to go and then after that Carrie went away for 2 weeks and then all kinds of things were going on and I never got a chance to go back. Until this week. I got my results on Monday. To be honest, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, but they aren't good. By a long shot. I have 4 things wrong with my back. 2 I found out from my appointments with Carrie, which are the least serious. The first is from when I was pregnant. The ligaments in my back stretched, just like everything does when you're preggo, and they haven't gone back to normal, and at this stage, 14 months later, if they haven't they probably wont. Because they are so loose the bones move and thats what causes the pain. After that there are little joints in your vertebrae and when I move in certain positions these joints pinch the coating on a nerve. After that there are two structural problems which showed up on my x-rays. The first is I have degenerative disc disease. Not fun. The disc in my L5-S1 is thinning. Chances are it will get much worse. After that I have an over exaggerated curve in my back which is causing a flattening in my vertebrae. The curve is kind of like the opposite of scoliosis (which my youngest brother Marc-Andre has). Instead of the curve going to the side, it goes inwards (towards my stomach if that makes much sense). At this point, its not bad enough to need surgery, but chances are in the future I will. Which means it will get worse. There isn't much that I can do. I have physio exercises to do, and I have to change my job to a sit down one otherwise I could end up in a wheel chair. Yea.

Speaking of job. We have a new chef at work, Roberto Mochi. He's Italian. He's a jerk. The first time I was there, I showed up for my shift at supper and he looked a Jocelyn and asked if I was going to be by myself and if that was wise. As if I needed a baby sitter. Yea. I did 2 years in cooking school, Jocelyn didn't even finish high school. Anyways. This week he called me into his office to speak. Everyone knew my x-ray results and someone mentioned it to Roberto. One of the first things he said to me when I went into his office was that he didn't believe my doctor gave me good advice on what to do concerning my future and my health. He said if I lost weight, my back would be just fine. Well that meeting went downhill from there and at one point I was pretty much ready to quit right then and there. I made a complaint with the director, Roberto said he said none of this (including other complaints which I had) and Marc (the director) suggested it was just a misunderstanding. When someone says, and I quote pretty much word for word, If you lose weight, your back problems will get better. I walk 30 minutes a day and my heart problems got better because of it. It's kinda hard to misunderstand that. Just sayin. And then Roberto had the audacity to say, I will forget to you wrote this letter, as if I was lying. Lovely. Make me hate you even more why don't you? My schedule has changed as well because of this. I got stuck with all the crap shifts. I will never get to see Jonathan. And no one is calling for jobs. And I can't go to school to get the experience I need because I don't have the money because I don't have a different job and I need the school to get a different job. See the vicious circle here? It's possible I mentioned this already. I'm just bitter and upset about this whole thing. I'm dreading work now. I get anxiety attacks and depression whenever I think about it. Like right now. It's putting me in a lovely mental state I tell ya.

What else this week? Well. Last night I went to bed pretty early, before 9, because I wasn't feeling well. I woke up at 10.30 with Ollie crying. And crying. Nothing Jonathan or I did helped. Finally he fell back asleep. Only to wake up 30 minutes later, crying again, even harder. It went on like this all night long. I think Jonathan and I got 3 hours of broken sleep all night. At one point I was so desperate I took Ollie out for a drive, at 1 am, to get him to fall asleep. He did, 3 times. And woke up crying, 3 times. At 7 he got up for the day. And cried and whined and fussed. He took a 3 hour nap with Jonathan this morning while I laid on the couch watching The Killers (really funny, I recommend it) with my 3rd cup of coffee. All day he was cranky, until some point this afternoon when he was only semi cranky. He has a bit of a cold but nothing worse than he's had in the past (he's had worse actually) and he had a fever again (by now we are fever experts). So far tonight he's doing good, but we haven't reached 10.30 yet so I'm not holding my breath. He will be staying home with me tomorrow though. And I will be keeping the car just in case. One of my bff's Dylan says I worry too much, but I can't help it.    

So I'm going to end this with a little positive. Yesterday we went to Bayshore to get Ollie his clothes for fall at the Childrens Place and Old Navy. I have to say, my kid has the most stylin clothes ever. I would kill to have as good of a wardrobe has he does. Here are a few pics I took yesterday (before the sickness turned him into the devil child) when we went to go rent the movie!

You're hot like the summer heat.

So. Hot. OMG. Gatineau/Ottawa has been breaking records all week with this heat. It's unbearable. Beyond unbearable. We were hitting 44 with humidity easily. In the kitchen it was worse. Much worse. On Tuesday evening for the dinner shift I got a 61 on the temp in the kitchen. I wanted to die. It actually felt like I was in Hell, literally. Actually, scratch that, I'm sure Hell wasn't that hot, Hell probably felt the Arctic compared to here.

I had my chiro appointment yesterday. I came away from that appointment with several things.

1. Chiropractors should be employed by the US to interrogate terror suspects. That was painful! I have an 8-10 inch bruise on my lower back from a 10 minute treatment yesterday! I was almost crying, if it had been my friend Rahim doing the treatment I'm sure I would have cried and then kicked him in the shins lol.
2. I have 2 problems so far. One with a tiny joint at the bottom of my lumbar, when I move in certain ways it either is pinching a nerve, disc or cartilage. The other is with my hip. I didn't quite understand that one, but usually the two things go hand in hand
3. I have to get xrays to make sure there is nothing major wrong.
4. I need to go back for at least 6 more visits and an adjustment (if my xrays are clear) which means lotsa $$$

 I got dropped off downtown kind of early for my appointment but I knew if I took Jonathan and the baby home I wouldn't have made it home on time with all the construction going on around the city. So I got some Starbucks (blended light caramel frappuccino) and wandered around Chapters for little before heading off to the Aulde Dubliner to see Jenn for a few minutes. We chatted a little and then I headed off for my appointment. It was hot so I didn't want to walk too fast so I wandered through the market and wound up at one of the stages for the BluesFest and the Stereos were doing their sound check for their show that night, and its free so I got to hear a few songs. I love a few of their songs, and got to hear one (Summer Girl) so that was fun.

Olivier is full blown walking on his own now! I missed it too, I was at work, Jonathan texted me on Tuesday night to tell me. I haven't gotten video of it, he gets excited when he sees the camera so he falls over. And he's teething, yet again, we think its molars this time, or Jonathan does anyways.

On Wednesday night Chantal and I went and saw Eclipse! It was so so so good. Way better than the first by far and better than New Moon as well. It followed the book although there were a few very minor parts I wish that they hadn't cut but nothing major, I know that sometimes things just don't fit or theres not enough time. I am going to see it again though, on Sunday with my Aunt Debbie and with my mother. We are going to see it in IMAX which I cannot wait for. After having seen it I know that its going to be amazing in IMAX, plus a 6 story high Edward? Who wouldn't love that, right?

An accident continually in progress?

Yes, that's me. Or so says my friend Dylan, who tends to be right about this sort of thing.  I am full of scars and burns from work/school, I always have a bruise somewhere on my body. It's common place in my life, me+balance=mortal enemies. But since I had Ollie, or was pregnant for that matter, I had been pretty good, I fell up the stairs a few times, and fell down them a couple times (me+stairs= the bane of my existence) but for the most part,  nothing major. Yesterday however made up for my walking the stairs one at a time. I slipped and fell in the kitchen while getting Ollie's things ready to go and visit  my mother. I landed on my side (the waist) on the recycling bin, my side has an ugly ass bruise, my arm is bruised and red from my elbow to half way up my forearm, and my butt hurts. Ruby was scared out of her mind, I was on the floor groaning, Ollie woke from his nap, and promptly fell back asleep and Jonathan laughed, thats how common place my klutziness is. Oh well.

As I mentioned before, Ollie and I spent the day with my mom and Don, Jonathan was working overtime for some big move he had to set up the phones for. We watched Julie & Julia which was really good, I wasn't expecting that at all, I thought it would be just mediocre.

Did you hear about....?

So Ollie and i went to the theater by ourselves today, our own little date, and saw Did you hear about the Morgans? I liked it, Ollie slept almost the entire time save for a few minutes at the start but he got a little hungry and fell asleep eating his bottle. I slipped him into his stroller with the backrest down and he slept the rest of the movie. We had fun, we got there early and Ollie liked looking up at all of the things hanging from the ceiling in the lobby, all the colors and stuff. Then once we went and sat down he stood on my lap and watched all the people behind us and screeched at them and smiled and jumped up and down.

Yesterday we went shopping! Got all kinds of new clothes for Olivier. The childrens place was having a sale so we got a bunch of polo shirts for 8$ each, jeans (reg price unfornutealty, but they were2 for 30$) and a few other t-shirts and a pair of shoes. Then at old navy he got a sweater and a hoodie that says heartbreaker on it, I'll have to get a picture of him in it when he's next to a little girl lol.

Jessica asked me to update on the Wii Active and the only thing I can say is GET THIS! OMG I love doing it! we are doing the 30 day challenge (started on Dec 27) and its lots of fun, and a great workout, the only thing I can say is make sure you start on a friday because the 2 days afterwards you are SORE, but I highly reccomened it to anyone and everyone, its a lot of fun and Jonathan likes to do it too, I'm so so so happy we got it!