It's getting dark, and all too quiet, and I can't trust anything right now

No he's not  scared, Olivier likes playing peek a boo. I have a picture of him right after this laughing his head off....although it looks like he's crying....I know everyone wants to hear about Olivier's first Halloween, but honestly it wasn't very eventful. We went out to visit a few family members houses and thats about it. He got spoiled, and learned quickly what he had to do, but it was like every other Halloween I guess. Although, my unbiased opinion is, Olivier was the cutest little Dalmatian ever.

Um....We had Olivier's appointment with the ENT on Moday. Big waste of time. We were in and out of the office in 5 minutes. And the doctor is doing nothing except making us go back on November 29. Seriously. I was not happy and highly disappointed. Other than that I am not in the mood to write much more. Nothing has really happened that is interesting. I've been working loads and I feel like I'm never home. It's weird going from working 3 days a week to 5 and working long shifts too rather than just rinky dinky 4 hour ones. But I love working at La Senza so thats good.

All I want now is to be with you

So I officially detest ear infections with a passion. It looks like Olivier is not over his infection (the latest one) yet, while he isn't crying, he is continually pulling on his ears. All. The. Time. Poor little guy. I'm going to try and get Jonathan to call the doctors today to take him in and get checked because the poor boy needs to have some decent amount of time without his ears hurting. And we wont be able to make our appointment with the ENT until mid-November. I just want my happy baby back, the one who doesn't scream and pull his ears. I'm pretty sure his whining lately is because of his ears. Like 95% sure.

Last week was my first week at my new job and it went great! This week will be my first week at my actual store. I trained at the La Senza in Gatineau since we don't have a manager at mine so this week I am finally in my store. It sucks a little because I got used to the girls at the other store and now I have to get used to these girls now. The manager who trained me will be spending 2 days a week at my store for a few weeks to help me adjust since apparently my store is....a bit of a mess apparently. Or something like that. This way I'm not too overwhelmed going in and end up quitting because they like me apparently lol. I laugh because it's now weird to be liked and wanted where you are working. And that's sad, because I used to love working at my old job. Oh well, its their loss!

I've got the magic in me

My poor, poor sweet baby. He's sick. Again. I swear its never ending. This past month has been his worst month yet, by far. Three ear infections. Before you go like, Whaaaa? Three? I thought he had one that wouldn't go away? Well let me explain. Let's start with today's events shall we? Because I just had a peachy keen day, how about you? I hope you can smell that sarcasm a mile away. Saturday and Sunday Olivier was the happiest baby on the face of the planet. Laughing his head off, being a little devil and just being happy to not be in pain anymore. Well it lasted less than 48 hours after his last does of antibiotics. Then, at 1 am last night, he woke up. Crying. Again. Pulling his ears. Again. So at 7 we packed up, dropped Jonathan off at work and off Ollie and I went to CHEO to get this taken care of ASAP. Again. We went through registration just fine (although the intake nurse was the same as last time and I was not fond of her). Then we waited, not too long, but long enough. Finally a doctor came in. Well a first year resident. I swear to god it was his first day out of med school. He did the usual, asking questions (he asked the same question 5 times and I repeated 5 times, before he would realize I answered his questions) and then he looked in Olivier's ears. First he said the right side was a little pink with a little fluid. Not bad though. Then came the left which I was sure he was going to jump back from in terror. Oh no, there was a wax buildup. So off he went to talk to his boss then came back to clean it out. Sooooo didn't work so he went off to get the stuff he needed to flush it. Partly worked so then he tried the scraper again. And he did it, but managed to cut Olivier in the process and his ear was bleeding all day because of it. So now he had a clear view. Nothing, just a little bit of fluid but nothing else so it was fine. Hmmmm, this didn't sit well with me. Olivier is not a generally fussy baby. He's a happy baby who doesn't wine or complain or cry for no reason. We weren't getting antibiotics or an ENT referral. As soon as I was in the parking lot I was planning on calling his doctor, who's office was open by this time. I called 10 minutes later and left a message, by the time I got home and Ollie down for a nap (literally took 2 minutes since he was exhausted) the phone was ringing, not his doctor, her receptionist making an appointment in 30 minutes time. Usually Dr Besner calls and asks questions to determine if she needs to see Olivier, she didn't do that this time, he was going in ASAP. One look in each ear, and my little man has a double ear infection and a referral to an ENT. So much for CHEO saying he was fine and didn't need anything. Olivier is now on his third round of antibiotics in a month, each time a different one since the amoxil has no effect on him anymore, and the clavulin didn't really work either. As she talked with me she said she is taking each time we saw someone as a separate ear infection because each time a different ear was affected than the last time. Or in his case, 2 times he had both ears infected. My poor baby, if we had waited 2 more days like the resident said he would have been in so much pain because Dr Besner was like, If his ears look this bad after only a few hours of showing symptoms imagine in two days? At the hospital we didn't even see the actual doctor, he never went to check the residents diagnosis. Idiots. But at least now we are going to be seeing someone who may be able to help Olivier.

I quit my job on Friday! Why you ask? Well I got the job at La Senza! Yay for me! I start tomorrow, my training is in Gatineau, and then next week I will be at the store that is a 5 minute walk from my house. I can go outside on the porch and see the store. I'm so excited! I was so happy to quit Domain des Trembles, you really have no idea. It was just a horrible place to be. The management didn't care at all about the employees, they played favorites all the time, if they didn't like you, or you had a mind of your own and thought on your own, you were in the dog house at every occasion. There was a server who left this week and I know of at least 3 or 4 other people who are looking for other jobs and are interviewing. I felt sad leaving on Friday though, it was a place I used to love working so much and I really did love the residents, I just couldn't work for Allegro anymore. But I'm moving on and up!

On Sunday we went for a walk with Chantal, Tony and the kids and Amelie came with us. This is the second weekend in a row we've walked from the Gatineau side over to the Byward Market and spent the morning there, usually about 3 or 4 hours I think, yesterday we started at 9.30 and got back to the car at around 1.30. We had a ton of fun and Olivier got his halloween costume! A Dalmatian, from Old Navy. He looks cute. We just put it on him quickly to make sure it fit (it was a 6-12 months, but the boy is so small, and he lost weight in the last week too, about a pound, from being sick off of the clavulin) so I snapped a few pictures.

Take a breath, take it deep

Ugh. I feel like I'm on a never ending roller coaster which always winds me back up at CHEO. I was back there on Friday night with Ollie. Stupid ear infection. We aren't sure if it just never went away or if it's a new one. The last time we were there they said he may end up needing tubes. Well Friday we got a new antibiotic, Clavulin, which is a double antibiotic, it also has amoxicillian in it, well last night Ollie started to have diarrhea, which is a side effect, but they said if it gets severe or watery then thats not good. Well guess what it was straight from the start? Ugh poor baby. So now we are going back tomorrow. I want to see the ENT while we are there, to see if there can be anything done or what the circumstances are for tubes because its not fun for him to be on antibiotics every month almost or in pain, which I'm pretty sure he's starting to adjust to having.

Last week I had a couple job interviews. One with Masha Krupp which does translation. My interview was just for admin stuff and I thought it went really well, and she said by Friday I would hear something. Well we are Monday and nothing. I'm disappointed, since the woman said she really liked me. Then on Friday I had another one with La Senza for an assistant manager position. That one went well too. But of course as the rest of the day wore on and I didn't get a call from Masha Krupp when I thought that went well  I was wondering if La Senza was going to be the same thing. Until last night. I was on Facebook and one of my old bosses (well the only one I have on Facebook lol) messaged me to say he had gotten a call on Friday (right after my interview) for a reference check, so maybe I really did do a good job. I know its not a sit down job but its good for now, to get out of where I am, plus the salary and hours are decent and the benefits and the fact that its a 5 minute walk from my front door. I can see the back of the store looking out the door actually. I was told mid week so hopefully tomorrow or Wednesday and the job I believe will start next week. I can't wait to quit my job now. If I get the job I'm not going for my shifts on Saturday or Sunday. Screw that. lol.


Oh and the most devastating thing happened last week. Ollie got his first hair cut *sobs*. It's not long anymore. It's too short. Of course I lost out on the whole opinion thing, almost every one in our families was like he needs it cut! So it was either me taking him in or getting home from work one day and finding Jonathan got it cut, at least this way I could keep it from getting too short. But still. I miss his long hair :(

If its love, we decided on forever, no one else could do it better

Sooooo. I haven't slept more than 2 hours a night (broken sleep mind you) since Friday night. Yesterday I took Olivier to CHEO and little mister has a pretty bad ear infection in his left ear and its getting bad in his right. So we're back on antibiotics. Again. Although this time he has no care for the banana flavor. Joys. We had a short wait again, which is so refreshing. Except this time we had to stay for an extra hour after the diagnosis because his fever was so high and his heart rate was in the 200's. Like my friend Sheena says, when Ollie gets sick, he really gets sick. The antibiotics haven't started kicking in yet though so he's still sir cranks a lot.

That's really all I want to talk about today. I wont bother to tell you my back hurts. It does. Even with a constant heating pad on it. Ugh.

I am in misery, there ain't nobody who can comfort me, why wont you answer me, the silence is slowly killing me

I guess the title says is it all. Just add in the words frustration, agony, desperation and any other negative adjective you would like. It seems like things just like getting worse before they ever get close to getting better. Like the saying goes, when it rains, it pours. Where do I even start?

So I guess I will start with my back. I don't remember if I mentioned it before, but I've been seeing a chiropractor since July (Dr. Carrie Johnston at Re:Form Body Clinic ) I was referred by my friend Rahim who is a chiropractor in Toronto, he and Carrie went to school together. At my first appointment she gave me a req for x-rays. It took me two weeks to go and then after that Carrie went away for 2 weeks and then all kinds of things were going on and I never got a chance to go back. Until this week. I got my results on Monday. To be honest, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, but they aren't good. By a long shot. I have 4 things wrong with my back. 2 I found out from my appointments with Carrie, which are the least serious. The first is from when I was pregnant. The ligaments in my back stretched, just like everything does when you're preggo, and they haven't gone back to normal, and at this stage, 14 months later, if they haven't they probably wont. Because they are so loose the bones move and thats what causes the pain. After that there are little joints in your vertebrae and when I move in certain positions these joints pinch the coating on a nerve. After that there are two structural problems which showed up on my x-rays. The first is I have degenerative disc disease. Not fun. The disc in my L5-S1 is thinning. Chances are it will get much worse. After that I have an over exaggerated curve in my back which is causing a flattening in my vertebrae. The curve is kind of like the opposite of scoliosis (which my youngest brother Marc-Andre has). Instead of the curve going to the side, it goes inwards (towards my stomach if that makes much sense). At this point, its not bad enough to need surgery, but chances are in the future I will. Which means it will get worse. There isn't much that I can do. I have physio exercises to do, and I have to change my job to a sit down one otherwise I could end up in a wheel chair. Yea.

Speaking of job. We have a new chef at work, Roberto Mochi. He's Italian. He's a jerk. The first time I was there, I showed up for my shift at supper and he looked a Jocelyn and asked if I was going to be by myself and if that was wise. As if I needed a baby sitter. Yea. I did 2 years in cooking school, Jocelyn didn't even finish high school. Anyways. This week he called me into his office to speak. Everyone knew my x-ray results and someone mentioned it to Roberto. One of the first things he said to me when I went into his office was that he didn't believe my doctor gave me good advice on what to do concerning my future and my health. He said if I lost weight, my back would be just fine. Well that meeting went downhill from there and at one point I was pretty much ready to quit right then and there. I made a complaint with the director, Roberto said he said none of this (including other complaints which I had) and Marc (the director) suggested it was just a misunderstanding. When someone says, and I quote pretty much word for word, If you lose weight, your back problems will get better. I walk 30 minutes a day and my heart problems got better because of it. It's kinda hard to misunderstand that. Just sayin. And then Roberto had the audacity to say, I will forget to you wrote this letter, as if I was lying. Lovely. Make me hate you even more why don't you? My schedule has changed as well because of this. I got stuck with all the crap shifts. I will never get to see Jonathan. And no one is calling for jobs. And I can't go to school to get the experience I need because I don't have the money because I don't have a different job and I need the school to get a different job. See the vicious circle here? It's possible I mentioned this already. I'm just bitter and upset about this whole thing. I'm dreading work now. I get anxiety attacks and depression whenever I think about it. Like right now. It's putting me in a lovely mental state I tell ya.

What else this week? Well. Last night I went to bed pretty early, before 9, because I wasn't feeling well. I woke up at 10.30 with Ollie crying. And crying. Nothing Jonathan or I did helped. Finally he fell back asleep. Only to wake up 30 minutes later, crying again, even harder. It went on like this all night long. I think Jonathan and I got 3 hours of broken sleep all night. At one point I was so desperate I took Ollie out for a drive, at 1 am, to get him to fall asleep. He did, 3 times. And woke up crying, 3 times. At 7 he got up for the day. And cried and whined and fussed. He took a 3 hour nap with Jonathan this morning while I laid on the couch watching The Killers (really funny, I recommend it) with my 3rd cup of coffee. All day he was cranky, until some point this afternoon when he was only semi cranky. He has a bit of a cold but nothing worse than he's had in the past (he's had worse actually) and he had a fever again (by now we are fever experts). So far tonight he's doing good, but we haven't reached 10.30 yet so I'm not holding my breath. He will be staying home with me tomorrow though. And I will be keeping the car just in case. One of my bff's Dylan says I worry too much, but I can't help it.    

So I'm going to end this with a little positive. Yesterday we went to Bayshore to get Ollie his clothes for fall at the Childrens Place and Old Navy. I have to say, my kid has the most stylin clothes ever. I would kill to have as good of a wardrobe has he does. Here are a few pics I took yesterday (before the sickness turned him into the devil child) when we went to go rent the movie!

When you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while

Ok so I've been pretty bad this summer about keeping this thing updated but it seems like we are always busy or I just haven't felt like updating. I've been in those kinds of moods lately.

I've been looking for a new job. Applying like crazy because I need to make more money and hours. I'm trying in entry level positions in offices and the government but everyone wants me to have at least some classes in business, but I dont have the money to pay for them and to get that money I need a better job. It's a vicious circle really. I even looked at a part time loan for school but the province of Quebec doesn't offer the part time loan to any out of province schools and none in Quebec offer distance education in English. It sucks bad because although I would like to go back to school full time to be able to get the degree faster, I can't because student loans and working wouldn't give me enough money. It sucks hard. But I need a new job because last week at work I had a mini breakdown, that was not a fun day.

Yesterday I had off because I  worked all weekend and Chantal and I took the kids to the beach because we are going through a heat wave again. It was the first time Olivier went into the lake. At first he wasn't too sure and then a minute later he was sitting in my lap splashing around. He loved it.

This weekend we are going to visit Jonathan's mom in Quebec, it will be nice to get away, and its supposed to be nice and cool and we're going to go apple picking and then there are a few little events going on in the city so we may check out a few.

And so I am going to end this post with some pictures!